Thursday, January 6, 2011

the surgery date is set (the mom is searching for strength post)

I must admit, I can't stop crying.
Everything makes me tear up.
I know people can see the tears forming in my eyes as I struggle so hard to repress them.

Wednesday was another cardiologist appointment.
It's amazing how meeting with doctors and nurses becomes second nature.
You begin to feel at home with the medical staff a family.
Which they are.
They will be there as Eslea grows. They get to watch her develop.
They will pray for her as she needs it so.

Eslea's heart surgery has been scheduled.
It will be the end of January. Just two weeks away and one day before she turns 4 months.
We are making the preparations...trying to find a place to stay close to the medical hospital, asking off from work, packing bags, calling so much more.

As we do this, it is so important that we also spend as much time with Emma as we can. She will have to stay behind with family as we have to leave for such a long time.

(Emma and Jason making pizza for dinner. Jason has to make sure that the sauce is spread exactly right. He has that way about him. I love that part of him.)

For those who have experience with this surgery, I would love to read your comments and suggestions.
If you know of others who have been through this, please send them my way.

This is the scariest and most heart wrenching thing for which I have ever had to prepare.
I know that there are others who have trekked this road before me.
I find your strength amazing.
I hope I can find mine.


  1. I am sorry that you have to go through this. j hasn't had any heart problems that we know of, so unfortunately I can't speak from experience. I cannot imagine how scared you guys must be. I will be praying for all of you. It will all be fine!! hugs.

  2. Samantha's OHS was one day before she turned 4 months old, too! It's so hard to just turn your child over to the medical staff, but Eslea's going to be in wonderful, caring hands. Hmmm...I had so much advice to dispense after Sammi's surgery, but now I can't think of any of it! Feel free to e-mail me privately, and I can recount our (good) experiences!

  3. you don't need to worry about finding the strength. it is a scary thing, surgery...But it is also amazing how they can fix these tiny little hearts in these tiny little angels. I had open heart surgery when I was 19 days old. I also had a VSD and transposition of the great arteries. That was 27 years ago. They do not even use the procedure they did on me anymore becuz it is too dangerous and becuz now they have improved technological advances in medicine. IT was good that your lil girl has had this time to grow and get stronger. It is hard, but have faith and I will be praying for you lil baby girl.
    To prepare for my son's surgery, I asked my dad how he handled it with me. He said it wasn't easy but it is amazing what strength and courage you have deep inside of you when it comes to the life of your child. There is nothing to prepare for expect to pray for your child to be strong and for the surgeons hands as they hold your little one. I am sending good thoughts always to you and your family.

  4. I will be praying for you, I cant even imagine what you are feeling. There is a Mom on here named Deanna, her blog is "Everything and Nothing from Essex"...Her little girl will be one soon, but she had heart surgery when she was just a couple months old. I will send her your way!

  5. Jenny (Russell's mom) pointed me to your blog, and I am so glad that she did. I so know how you feel. My daughter Addison (11 months) has had three surgeries (two of them heart) and I had somewhat panic attacks before each one.

    Addison was having her surgeries so that we could get rid of oxygen 24/7 (we had it for nine months), so in one sense, I wanted the surgery to be over already with a new and improved heart. In the other sense, I was terrified. Someone I didn't know was going to be operating on my infant daughter. Actually the first heart surgery, I even had to wait by myself because my husband was stuck in traffic driving in to Boston.

    But through each surgery, I had a huge sense of peace (a lot of people were praying for us) because I just knew that everything was going to be OK, just like I knew when I was pregnant that something was wrong with my baby.

    What you're facing is not easy, but putting this information out in the web is the best way to receive support from moms who have faced the same thing. I will be praying for you and your beautiful daughter. Let me know if there is anything at all I can help you with in preparation for the surgery. I will say- buy her a robe for the day before tests, otherwise you'll have to dress and undress her twenty times for all of the different test. Just something that I found helpful.
    Praying for you!


  6. Hi Erin,

    You should join our yahoo discussion group comprised of parents, siblings and adults living with Congenital Heart Disease. Here's the link to access all our online support
    I've seen many posts come through like this and have no doubt you'll find the comfort and support during this time and after through those who have been there and done that. I can tell you from experience the best thing you can do is connect with others. I'm going to see if I can find your info on Facebook.

    In addition, over the years I've made friends with people through the internet who live near you. I'd love to connect you if you'd like.

    Take care and I hope today brings more hope than yesterday.

    Corrie Stassen

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  8. Comment to myself....oopps..don't push the button that looks like a trash can.

  9. saying prayers for your sweet eslea, she is a doll!