Monday, February 28, 2011

Oh Fate!

I love Saturdays. It is the perfect cushion day snuggled between work and another day off, full of possibilities. A day to just enjoy my kiddos while shooing away the buzzing worries of schedules, doctor appointments, dirty dishes and fast approaching deadlines. So, I take it personally when fate decides to take out her aggression on me and lays out a plan of deception with a Saturday from crappy land.
This past Saturday was "One of Those Days". I have used that phrase loosely before and mainly in reference to times when things just do not seem to get accomplished on my job. But this Saturday was truly a "One of Those Days" day. I just know that fate was being vengeful that day and paying be back for some long time ago act of unkindness she feels I bestowed upon her. Oh Fate. Curses to you.
The day started as any other potentially blissful sunny Saturday that included a trip to the playground with my oldest friend Melody and her kiddos.

Emma loves playing with little boys, even if they don't always go along with her games.

Jason even dropped by for some tether ball fun.

I will spare all the chaotic details but I will say that somewhere between that lovely trip to the playground and my bed, the day went sour. It started with Emma falling down in the grass and somehow the day proceeded to go on a downhill sleigh ride from there. It continued to pick up speed with the bumpiest point of the slope being when Emma decided to let everyone in a crowded restaurant know that she has just fallen onto the cold tile. Cries of how she had broken her arm and how it would never, ever (ever, ever, ever, ever) work again rang loudly as they bounced off the wooden walls. Sigh. That night, my bed never looked so darn good.

You can only imagine my relief when Sunday morning arrives bringing me smiles, another sunny day and flowers.

A sweet couple at church dedicated the flowers for this Sunday's service to the two newest babies in our church, one of them Eslea.

The way I figure it, fate owes me one...and lucky for me it's Monday, with a new week waiting to open up its' hidden possibilities.

Wondering how you and yours spent your Saturday and if fate paid you a visit.

Happy Monday.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

On Life and Silver Linings

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
                                - John Mayer (Heart of Life)

So many times the hours and days click click click by going faster and faster.
This occurs more the older I seem to get. The more wrapped up in my own life, my own problems, my own family. Choices being made. Mistakes taking place.
When we learned that Eslea had down syndrome, I remember taking that news personally. As if somehow I was being punished for my past, my choices, my mistakes. I always lived my life with no regrets. "Lessons learned" is how I would describe bad choices. Yet now, I do have a regret; something I wish so desperatly that I could block out or erase somehow. But the past sticks with you like glue my friends and the feelings I had around the birth of precious Eslea happened. And no matter how many times I try to find that darn time machine, it continues to elude me and the feelings remain what they are...a pulled thread on the fabric of my life.
I can never take it back. Although it is something I desperatly wish I could, I am instead reminded of the WHY of it all. The WHY we must all go through pain...becuase without the pain of life, we could never feel the JOY. The absolute tear jerking side splitting JOY of life.

Laughter. Friends. Smiles. Music. Poetry. Books. Blue Skies. Green Grass. Family.

This weekend, I had an opportunity to finally meet several families in our area that have beautiful kiddos with down syndrome. There were about six families gathered into one house with their amazing children. Being the kind person that I am, I opted to leave my camera at home so as not to scare them off the very first time they meet me. I will say that it is was eye opening and something I truely wish could have happened sooner.
When I  first learned about the diagnosis of down syndrome, I made assumptions...she may never talk, she'll be three by the time she walks, she will always be cheery. Never in my life have I been so happy to be wrong. Each child there had her very own personality...some more then others (shout out to Polly and her wonderfully spirited Emily). I admire these women. I am honored they invited me in and that Eslea gets to grow up with their children.

Life is amazing. I wish I could take back the pain from those first weeks after her birth, yet without those feelings I would have never reached the depth of love I now feel.
I may have never felt the pull to meet these women. I would have never had a chance to meet their children. I would have never began to see the beauty in everyone.

If this is the reward for the pain, I'll take it. I'll cry and hurt just for the small chance that on the other side joy will be waiting with open arms wrapped in silver lining.
Any day. Any how.
Hear that life? Bring it.


Friday, February 11, 2011

Giveway: The Pure Love Giveaway

It's amazing to much something so tiny as a chromosome can change my life forever.
Take a minute to really understand this.
Eslea has changed my LIFE.

All children change us in some way.
They make us more compassionate.

Yet, Eslea has made me realize that LIFE is about so much more...
it's about love
and acceptance
and what a difference one person can make.

I bring this up today because Patti over at A Perfect Lily is asking you to help make a difference.
A difference for another perfect little kiddo out there that needs a family.
Meet Peter...

Please check out her blog and the Pure Love Giveaway.
Read it and see if there is anything you can do.
Follow your heart.

By the way, TODAY is the last day.
Just sayin'.
No pressure.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Still waiting...

Today we are spending another night in the PICU.
I am tired.
Tired from lack of sleep.
Tired of being moved from room to room.
Tired of the waiting...

After the surgery, Eslea seemed to be doing well and we had the pleasure of spending two nights on the pediatric floor. It was like a tiny bit of heaven. Our own bath room for goodness sake!
Unfortunately, Eslea developed fluid around her heart and the cardiologist had to remove it yesterday.
They removed two ounces of fluid around her heart. That is an enormous amount when her heart is only the size of a walnut.
After checking again today, fluid has again developed. At this time, it is a small amount so they are giving her steroids to hopefully stop it.
Sometime late tomorrow afternoon, they will do another test to see where we stand.

So, again, we are waiting, praying, and remembering who all this is for...

Thank you to everyone for your kind comments, emails, fb messages, prayers and love all around.