Knowing...

In just a few short hours, it will be time. Finally.

There was a moment tonight in which I almost took a step backward.
Back to the moments of pain and deep fear of what this surgery could mean.

As part of the preparation for her surgery tomorrow morning, I was given a surgical prep wash for Eslea. During bath time tonight, I used this soap to wash her torso. When the smell hit me, it reminded me of the hospital. The smell and the act of washing her was a very sharp reminder of WHY I was there...at that exact moment. Preparing my baby girl for tomorrow. For her open heart surgery. It was also at that moment that I placed my hand on her breast bone. The breast bone that can be felt right underneath her skin. By doing that and holding my hand there, I was able to keep back the tears and the fears that were trying to surface.
Because as scared as I am about what may happen, my little girls needs this surgery.
She is quit frankly a skeleton.
That is not a life for her.
Sickly. Skinny. Struggling to breathe.

In 6 hours I will wrap my baby girl up in her prayer blanket.
I will walk her into the hospital and pray over her as we wait to be admitted.
I will be with her when she falls asleep.
I will wait on her until it is over.

Because now the only peace I have is in knowing...
Knowing that this time tomorrow night...
My baby girl will be in the arms of her father...
Be it her earthly father...
or her heavenly one.

Just a few of the supplies, goodies and items sent by friends to help us get through this next week or so.

Thank you to all that continue to pray.
-erin
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