Saturday, December 4, 2010

Not Gonna Rain on My Parade

Sometimes things happen in my life that make time stand still. Really. Or maybe it's just in my own little world, but I swear it stops. Life whirls around like on TV where the characters are moving super slow while everyone is a blur going by. It's kinda like that, only in real life.
It's happened four times in my life now that I can count. The first time was the day my firstborn came into the world. To be exact, it was while I waited to hear those first cries. You know, you've been there, after the final painful push and you know she has arrived finally into the world. You just wait...wait for it. And until you hear those cries, your world stops.
The second time was when I married my soul mate. I adore my husband and right there in front of the tiny circle of wedding guests, time stopped. It happened as I waited for him to say "I do". For a moment I was scared that he might not and time halted ever so briefly.
The other two times only occurred after the birth of Eslea.

One, feeling now like a lifetime ago, occurring as the nurse is telling me that my new beautiful and perfect little baby daughter may have down syndrome. Time almost didn't start again that day...but it did.
And now, I bring you to the fourth and most recent suspension of time in my life. A few days ago we went back to the cardiologist for our continuing every 4 week checkup. This time they did a more recent ultrasound. The last being done on the day she was born. And that's where it happened. Right there in the ultrasound room while the tech was cuddling my precious close to her own chest while doing the scan. I watched the screen and saw her heart...right there. My baby's heart beating and trying so hard to keep on doing so. I saw the mixing of the blood through that very large hole of hers. At the same time, I looked at her so tiny in someone elses' arms knowing that broken heart was just underneath the surface...and it happened again..time stopped. This time I couldn't focus and I couldn't wait for it to start back on it's own. I had to leave the room, forcing time back into my reality.
That day we found out some rather disheartening news. Baby Eslea does not have two holes in her heart like the doctors originally thought, she has three. Worst of all, one of those holes (the VSD) takes up almost 70% of her wall. Her tiny little lungs are failing and she has to have surgery before she is 6 months. Now, we are praying for weight gain because she is still under ten pounds. The bigger the baby , the better the chances of a successful surgery.
On that note and to lighten the mood just a little bit...
I have some hopeful signs of baby leg pudge! Yep! The baby fat is right there, I can see it, just waiting to join us for some serious baby fat squeezin'.

Some fun things from this week:
A little girl who dreams of being a fairy princess...

...with the ability to use magic on her unsuspecting little baby sister.

A little buggie dressed in cute Christmas gear because you gotta look good when going to see your first ever Holiday Parade.

Finally, the sweetest of four year olds making herself even sweeter while examining the candy overload and other goodies she acquired just by flashing her pearly whites at every passing float in the parade.

(Yep, the beads and dollar were part of the haul too.)
Gonna be even a better day tomorrow, so I need me some zzzz's.
Sweet dreams.


  1. Oh boy! Sorry that this was not the news you were hoping to hear. I remember how scared I was handing our daughter, Mary, over to the pediatric cardiologists for her echos. Always praying that the news would be improved. In our case it was, but I know that isn't everyone's reality.

    I thought I'd share the link to my sister's blog. She's basically stopped blogging (due to her nursing work schedule, plus she's a Masters candidate in Nursing and mom to 2 active boys so her hands are full!), but her blog is still open. Her last post was an update on my nephew Eli. You can read about Eli's diagnosis and surgery here:

    If you have any questions for her (she's an ICU nurse, but a former cardiac cath nurse...oh the irony!) let me know and I can pass on her email address to you.

    Have a great Saturday night! That 4-year old princess is pretty cute too!


  2. Your I love her!!! Congratulations!!!!